Friday, December 8, 2017
Tuesday, November 8, 2016
Maaf ya nak, mama dan papa belum menjadi orang tua yang sempurna. Tapi kami akan selalu berusaha memperbaiki diri, dan berusaha untuk menjadi orang yang lebih sabar dan telaten, dan selalu perhatian.
Love love love!
Friday, January 1, 2016
Saturday, November 7, 2015
I feel like my life is a journey that always has different challenge each year.
This year, I started my challenge with a vow.
Being someone's wife is not that scary. Yes, it's different with being single. Yet, it's very fulfilling and blissful.
The challenge is, we had a long distance relationship. Then, we decided to meet every 2 weeks. It felt very long, yet at the same time it's very exhausting. I had to go to Jakarta every month, and he had to go to Malang too every month. It's still exhausting even when he went to my place. Well, maybe because I had a lot of homework from my college. I felt I was lack of sleep and lack of "me-time". I even seldom go to my parents' house in Sidoarjo after marriage.
But I love him. And that's my source of strength.
The next challenge started after I finished the first semester of the year in college.
I got pregnant.
This. Is. Big.
Being a wife, especially a long-distanced one, is not very difficult. But being a mother? I felt dizzy and panic at first. Well, when I got married, I know it is possible to get pregnant and then be a mother. Yet, a dozen of negative test packs successfully took down my alarm. I was getting used to it. And after several months, I never expected it's going to show a positive result.
Especially, when my husband was going to go abroad.
I was scared, but actually happy at the same time. I just felt that I was still not good enough, not knowledgeable enough, to be a mother. And I was scared to imagine how I would carry this baby bump when my husband was not going to be around me.
It made me stressed and I got bleeding several times. I know it wasn't good for my baby, so I try to get rid of those negative thinking. My husband and his family supported me. My family supported me too, even mom came to Malang to help me.
Now, it's been 5 months. I live a good life here, with my mom staying with me in Malang, and my husband living far away in UK. It's not that scary anymore. I even enjoy it a lot. (Maybe because the morning sickness period has gone? Or maybe because I get to eat my mom's food everyday? Kekeke)
Even though my husband lives far away, I'm not worried. We realize that now each of us are in a studying duty, to gain the knowledge we hope will bring goodness to our mankind. We love and trust each other, and we hope Allah will count this as our way to worship Him, and may Allah always bless us.
I grow to love my baby-to-be more and more each day. This feeling is amazing. Bismillah, I hope everything is going to be well, and my baby can grow healthy and happy.
This semester is my last semester to attend the classes. Next year, I'm going to solely have my undergraduate thesis, for which I can stay at home while taking care of my baby. Insha Allah :)
Hopefully, my husband can make it to go here when I give birth to our first child next year. :*
Thursday, July 9, 2015
I already had blogger app to help me writing constantly to this blog, yet I barely touch it. Kekeke.
It's another night, a few minutes before tomorrow. What's the day? It keeps passing just like that. Sometimes I wonder what my life purpose is. I'm bored. Many things in life don't seem really interesting to me lately. Maybe I need new challenge, yet my old challenges seem to be unsolved yet. Or maybe I have another issue.
Sometimes I feel anxious and nervous. I keep worrying but I don't know what exactly I'm worrying about.
However, it's not like I'm not happy at all. It's just... a thing that sometimes cross my mind. I tend to overthink and not enjoy things as they are. I need to give some 'meaning' to my every action and experience in order to enjoy it. Yet, thinking and giving those meanings makes me exhausted slowly. Then I gave up. I just walk my life without thinking, but that makes me feel meaningless. So yes. For me, it's either being exhausted or feeling meaningless. (I have a complicated mind, which actually can be more simple, right?)
Actually after getting married, I feel better. Alhamdulillah, my husband is a really loving person. Unlike me, he doesn't overthink. He is a happy person and I love to be around him. I learn slowly how to enjoy things as they are. Slowly.
Maybe I just need some time.
Oh. And I see one more thing that could be my source of anxiousness: I am a person of target. Sometimes I burden myself too much for targets that are too hard to achieve, and I end up do nothing about them. I should try not to burden myself with unrealistic targets. Or maybe I just have to fulfill those targets to be happy. Kekeke.
So this is me blabbering about my life. I wonder if many persons in this world are, or had ever, feeling the same emptiness like me.
Back then in 2009, I also had the same issue. But I was able to overcome it by reading some good motivation books. Now, those books and motivating words are like boring things for me. They don't have the same effect. Maybe I should try to read new books, like romantic fiction, or comedy. Books that don't tell me what to do, but show me what the characters do with their life problems, and entertaining at the same time. :))