Being Grateful

I miss blogging a lot. Haha. I know I often write this on my blog. But I can't help it. I always forget to update this published-personal page, and when I do, there's always a large time gap between each post :)

I feel like my life is a journey that always has different challenge each year.
This year, I started my challenge with a vow.

A marriage vow. It was in February.

Being someone's wife is not that scary. Yes, it's different with being single. Yet, it's very fulfilling and blissful.

The challenge is, we had a long distance relationship. Then, we decided to meet every 2 weeks. It felt very long, yet at the same time it's very exhausting. I had to go to Jakarta every month, and he had to go to Malang too every month. It's still exhausting even when he went to my place. Well, maybe because I had a lot of homework from my college. I felt I was lack of sleep and lack of "me-time". I even seldom go to my parents' house in Sidoarjo after marriage.

But I love him. And that's my source of strength.

The next challenge started after I finished the first semester of the year in college.

I got pregnant.

This. Is. Big.

Being a wife, especially a long-distanced one, is not very difficult. But being a mother? I felt dizzy and panic at first. Well, when I got married, I know it is possible to get pregnant and then be a mother. Yet, a dozen of negative test packs successfully took down my alarm. I was getting used to it. And after several months, I never expected it's going to show a positive result.

Especially, when my husband was going to go abroad.

I was scared, but actually happy at the same time. I just felt that I was still not good enough, not knowledgeable enough, to be a mother. And I was scared to imagine how I would carry this baby bump when my husband was not going to be around me.

It made me stressed and I got bleeding several times. I know it wasn't good for my baby, so I try to get rid of those negative thinking. My husband and his family supported me. My family supported me too, even mom came to Malang to help me.

Now, it's been 5 months. I live a good life here, with my mom staying with me in Malang, and my husband living far away in UK. It's not that scary anymore. I even enjoy it a lot. (Maybe because the morning sickness period has gone? Or maybe because I get to eat my mom's food everyday? Kekeke)

Even though my husband lives far away, I'm not worried. We realize that now each of us are in a studying duty, to gain the knowledge we hope will bring goodness to our mankind. We love and trust each other, and we hope Allah will count this as our way to worship Him, and may Allah always bless us.

I grow to love my baby-to-be more and more each day. This feeling is amazing. Bismillah, I hope everything is going to be well, and my baby can grow healthy and happy.

This semester is my last semester to attend the classes. Next year, I'm going to solely have my undergraduate thesis, for which I can stay at home while taking care of my baby. Insha Allah :)

Hopefully, my husband can make it to go here when I give birth to our first child next year. :*

My 2nd semester result

Alhamdulillah, another bless from Allah.
This semester result is quite good. I got straight A's. Got it with blood and tears *lebay, haha.

Write this in 30 minutes.

I already had blogger app to help me writing constantly to this blog, yet I barely touch it. Kekeke.

Anyway...

It's another night, a few minutes before tomorrow. What's the day? It keeps passing just like that. Sometimes I wonder what my life purpose is. I'm bored. Many things in life don't seem really interesting to me lately. Maybe I need new challenge, yet my old challenges seem to be unsolved yet. Or maybe I have another issue.

Sometimes I feel anxious and nervous. I keep worrying but I don't know what exactly I'm worrying about.

However, it's not like I'm not happy at all. It's just... a thing that sometimes cross my mind. I tend to overthink and not enjoy things as they are. I need to give some 'meaning' to my every action and experience in order to enjoy it. Yet, thinking and giving those meanings makes me exhausted slowly. Then I gave up. I just walk my life without thinking, but that makes me feel meaningless. So yes. For me, it's either being exhausted or feeling meaningless. (I have a complicated mind, which actually can be more simple, right?)

Actually after getting married, I feel better. Alhamdulillah, my husband is a really loving person. Unlike me, he doesn't overthink. He is a happy person and I love to be around him. I learn slowly how to enjoy things as they are. Slowly.

Maybe I just need some time.

Oh. And I see one more thing that could be my source of anxiousness: I am a person of target. Sometimes I burden myself too much for targets that are too hard to achieve, and I end up do nothing about them. I should try not to burden myself with unrealistic targets. Or maybe I just have to fulfill those targets to be happy. Kekeke.

So this is me blabbering about my life. I wonder if many persons in this world are, or had ever, feeling the same emptiness like me.

Back then in 2009, I also had the same issue. But I was able to overcome it by reading some good motivation books. Now, those books and motivating words are like boring things for me. They don't have the same effect. Maybe I should try to read new books, like romantic fiction, or comedy. Books that don't tell me what to do, but show me what the characters do with their life problems, and entertaining at the same time. :))

Hi

Hi all. I'm trying to post from blogger android app ;) Does it work well?

Okay let me try the hyperlink:
talisanoor.wordpress.com

Btw this is my picture from my friend's wedding. Cute car number, isn't it?

Hewan Ternak

"Maka disebabkan rahmat dari Allah-lah kamu berlaku lemah lembut terhadap mereka. Sekiranya kamu bersikap keras lagi berhati kasar, tentulah mereka akan menjauhkan diri dari sekelilingmu.” (QS. Ali Imran: 159)


*sebuah teguran yang lembut untuk saya dan pengingat untuk yang mau diingatkan*

Terkadang saya iri dengan orang yang bisa woles aja ketika dizalimi atau melihat ketidakadilan. How could they do that? Doesn't it raise their anger?

Semester ini saya sering dikasih tugas seorang dosen, kemudian saya udah ngerjain tugasnya, ada yg sampe nggak tidur semaleman (tugas mata kuliah lain juga banyak, jadi waktunya harus dibagi dong). Eh ternyata tugasnya ga jadi dikumpulin karena mayoritas murid di kelas ga ngerjain tugasnya. Bukan sekali hal itu terjadi. Valid ga tuh pembatalan tugas karena mayoritas orang yang disuruh ga mau ngerjain?

Kenapa demikian? Karena dosen tersebut  sering lupa dengan tugas yang sudah diberikan, sehingga tidak dikumpulkan. Siapa sih yang mau ngerjain tugas tapi nggak dikumpulin? Nah, dari situ, rekan-rekan satu kelas saya mulai ada memboikot tugasnya dan mempersuasi teman2 sekelas untuk tidak mengerjakan tugasnya. Lah, trus, saya yang udah ngerjain ini gimana?

Mereka juga aneh. Masa memboikot tugas beberapa jam sebelum kuliah? Berarti mereka memang belum mengerjakan padahal jam kuliahnya tinggal beberapa jam lagi di hari yang sama.

Kalo gitu, kapan dong negara ini maju? Mulai dari bangku pendidikan aja udah nggak disiplin gitu. Gimana nanti mereka meneruskan bangsa ini?

Sama aja kayak lalu lintas yang kacau di kota ini. Sepeda motor yang jalan melawan arus dibiarkan saja; lampu lalu lintas diterabas aja padahal belum ijo; mobil dan angkot tetep nekat jalan padahal lampu lalu lintasnya uda merah. Kenapa? Karena semua orang melakukannya. Nggak heran kalo macet dimana-mana. (fyi, I'm not talking about Jakarta now)

Saya heran juga dengan dosennya. Apakah beliau nggak sadar, beliau itu pendidik? Pendidik itu bukan sekadar mengajar aja lho, tapi juga memberikan teladan dan mengajarkan nilai-nilai yang seharusnya dijunjung tinggi, seperti disiplin dan integritas. Menurut saya, dosennya juga ikut bertanggung jawab menjadikan mahasiswanya seperti itu.

Saya cuma nggak habis pikir. Yang membuat saya kesal adalah:
1. Saya merasa kerja keras saya sia-sia.
Seharusnya waktu yang dipergunakan untuk mengerjakan tugas tersebut bisa saya gunakan untuk kegiatan lain yang lebih bermanfaat. Atau paling tidak, seharusnya saya bisa tidur, supaya tidak sakit :(
2. Sistem pendidikan oleh dosen tersebut dapat menumbuhkan kebiasaan jelek pada mahasiswa, membuat mereka semakin tidak disiplin, dan saya khawatir itu akan berdampak buruk bagi negeri ini.
Oke, beberapa orang mungkin berpikir itu lebay. Ngapain sih mikirin masalah negara?
TAPI kalo bukan kita yang mikirin negara ini, trus siapa lagi? Kalau semua orang berpikir demikian, negara kita nggak terurus dong.

Kekecewaan saya terhadap Universitas Brawijaya bertambah lagi, untuk kesekian kalinya.

Somehow saya agak salut dengan kawan-kawan yang tidak mengeluhkan hal ini. Ada yang bilang ke saya, jangan menetapkan standar terlalu tinggi, dan jangan menjadi perfeksionis.

Okelah. Saya setuju bahwa setiap orang berhak memilih cara hidupnya masing-masing. Kalau mereka memilih untuk malas, silakan. Sebagai sesama mahasiswa, saya nggak bisa mengatur mereka.

Tapi saya nggak mau kehilangan idealisme saya. Buat apa saya hidup kayak hewan ternak yang selalu mengikuti hewan ternak lainnya?

23 things they don't tell you about capitalism

This book is mind-blowing!

I would love to study economics at Cambridge. Professor Ha-Joon Chang delivers his ideas super well here. His writing really makes sense. 

You have no idea what capitalism is? Don't worry, he explains it in this book in a very understandable manner.

Do you ever wonder is free market a way to go for poor and developing countries? Reading this book may give you some perspective. (Btw, nowadays' rich countries can be rich because used to implement protection, subsidy, tariff etc to build their countries so that they can be successful.)

Well I'm still learning though. There are still a lot of questions. There are still many things I don't know. We should never stop learning, right? And always keep our mind open!

Sepatu dekil dan legging yang nggak matching

Super lazy to dress up on Friday morning. I wore a long plain black dress because my lecturer demands all girls in his classes to wear skirt. And I wore batik as the top.

The shoes? It's Ecco boots, my favorite shoes all the time! Unfortunately their lower parts were covered by dry mud. I wore them when I went to HammerSonic Festival and the venue was muddy. I still haven't wash it yet. Kekeke :))

I also wore brown legging. Why brown? Because it was hanging on my wall and it's easy to grab. That's all :)